Boarding School
by FFFX
Summary: Under New Management. What happens when you take every adult in the Naruto series, strip them of their powers, and turn them into horny teenagers? This. Crack. On Indefinite Hiatus.
1. Kakashi Nudey Style

Boarding School

Chapter 1: Kakashi - Nudey Style

"Take one, and...ACTION!"

Kakashi slowly opened his eyes. It seemed that he was lying in the bottom half of a...bunk bed? He blinked. _Odd. Extremely odd._ The jounin looked around, wondering where he was and how he had come to be there. He could not recall doing anything in the past few hours, save tucking himself into his nice warm bed.

Kakashi tiredly climbed out of the bed that wasn't his, immediately realizing that he was wearing nothing but his mask and a pair of skintight boxer briefs. ...Unfamiliar boxer briefs at that. They were printed with little purple hearts. _What the-?_

Kakashi wandered around the room exploring the contents, still trying to figure out where on earth he was. In the furthest corner was a closed laptop with a messy pile of papers beside it. In another was a bureau, and across from him sat a rather comfortable looking...beanbag?

_I have to get out of here, _Kakashi decided, and began to search for any sort of clothing to put on. The place was far too odd for his liking. He began to open and close the dresser drawers, not minding to toss aside a barrage of those hideous muscle shirts. Finding nothing else in the bureau, Kakashi headed for the closet, glancing into a mirror in the process. He froze mid-step.

The reflection that stared back at Kakashi was...different. His face was younger, and his body, thinner. But what stunned him most of all-

Kakashi slowly raised his fingers to his left eye.

The sharingan was gone.

He stumbled away from the mirror. _What happened to me? And my eye – why is it- _"Why am I a damn teenager!" he demanded to the ceiling. It had to be a dream – some sort of weird dream!

Someone responded with a loud snore. Kakashi quickly turned around, panting as though he'd been running. For the first time since he had awoken, he noticed a dark haired figure sprawled on top of the bunk bed. He was a teenager, like himself, and he looked a _lot _like-

Kakashi's heart stopped.

The jounin quickly exited the room.

Someone was playing cruel mind games with him, because Obito had died fifteen years prior.

"There is a logical explanation for this," Itachi calmly told himself, pushing the rectangular spectacles further up the bridge of his nose. Strangely enough, the glasses he'd awoken in made his vision quite clear. _I think I'll keep these, _the Uchiha mused.

He began to pace the dorm.

"I must be stuck in some sort of henge," the missing nin continued to quietly talk to himself. "But who could do this? Who has this type of power?" Itachi picked up a can of air freshener from the bureau. He sprayed some onto his tongue, and then gagged. "Everything seems so real."

Kakashi ran out of his room and leaned against the door to catch his breath. He couldn't deal with – that, whatever it was - in the top bunk. What he needed to do was find out what was going on.

His thoughts trailed into silence when a cute girl passed by, blushing as she looked at him. "Visiting someone Kakashi?" she asked, before bursting into a fit of giggles.

Kakashi blinked. What on earth did that mean? And why did she know his name? Lightly shaking his head, Kakashi took off down the hall, deciding that the faster he moved, the faster he would find an exit, and the less likely he was to be seen. The halls were warm and cozy looking, branching off every few yards in a strange maze of doors and white walls. It was the middle of the night, but oddly, most of the lights were on. The place vaguely reminded him of the ANBU dormitories, just far nicer.

As he ran down the hall, Kakashi passed various other teenagers.

"Hey_ sexy!_ Ya lookin' for a good time?"

"He is SO _fyne_."

"This is the fourth time this week, Kakashi!"

"Kakashi! Call me!"

"Well at least he's not totally nude, like last time."

"Kakashi! I LOVE YOOOOOU!"

The last one looked strangely like Inuzuka Tsume. Kakashi growled, covering his ears. Nothing made any sense anymore!

"A-huuck," said Kisame, straightening his thick round glasses. Interesting. The device seemed to make his vision quite clear, though Kisame couldn't quite recall a time when his vision had been in the least bit blurry. "Where the h-h-hell am I-hhhh-hhhhh - can't breathe -" He pulled out the inhaler that was conveniently in the pocket of his knee-length jean shorts. The fish-boy stuffed the nozzle into his mouth without a second thought. He deeply inhaled, and his throat strangely cleared.

Kisame bent down to pull his long white socks a little higher towards his knees. "Hhhhh-what h-h-h-happened to me," he coughed and gasped between each of his words, before falling over in an asthma-conquered heap.

Suddenly three figures approached Kisame. Perhaps to help him?

"Dweeb," said one of the males, kicking him in the ribs as he walked out of the room.

"Geek," said another person as he walked by him.

"Um," thought a blonde girl. "Green!" she said. With that, she followed the boys out of the room, making sure to step on Kisame's face in the process.

When they had gone, Kisame slowly pulled himself up to a mirror set on the bureau. He stared at his reflection for a moment.

"I'm a...nerd."

Kakashi ran nakedly through the main hall, stunning all of the students with his beautiful nakedness. He nakedly crashed into a crimson-eyed girl, before releasing a naked shriek, and running off, nakedly, in the opposite direction.

Kurenai scratched her head. She was bare foot and wearing only a nightgown. "Was that...no...impossible..." she was rather dazed. The jounin numbly accepted the arm of some blonde guy and pulled herself off of the ground.

The blonde teenager had _serious _sideburns. In fact, they were _so_ serious, she would think of him only as _Burns _from that day forth.

He threw her a fox grin, before looking her up and down, waggling his eyebrows, and winking suggestively. Idly, Kurenai raised her fist and allowed it to collide violently with the _Burns'_nose.

Meanwhile, Kakashi continued to jog, suddenly realizing that he'd forgotten all about his quest to find an exit, and was now simply running around in circles. He stopped.

"Wait! Why am I doing this?" he mentally slapped himself. "What is wrong with me! Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!"

_Maybe it was instinct... _said a little voice in Kakashi's head.

The jounin snorted. "I would never do that in my right mind," he muttered, crossing his arms.

_Hm... _said Kakashi's conscience. _Are you __**sure **__about that?_

"Don't be ridiculous," said Kakashi, quickly shutting the little voice away. "I have to get dressed, and I have to get out of here," he began to walk back toward the dorms. "Well...I don't _really_ have to get dressed..."

With that, Kakashi was off, taking little notice of the fact that he was slowly losing his mind.

**Edit: Ah! I seem to have forgotten to give so very deserved credit to the great Bullwinkle's Lady, who allowed me to adopt this splendid story. In fact, I was given permission to edit it where I saw fit... and I couldn't bring myself to change anything. I'll be posting a chapter a day until I get to my new chapter, then updates will be as random as what's in them, but hopefully in exchange for short chapters they may be fairly frequent.**


	2. Ass Pinchin' Action and A Loveable Guy

Boarding School

Chapter 2: Ass Pinchin' Action and A Loveable Guy

Itachi continued to walk through the halls of the strange Boarding School, having the fifth person pinch his ass.

"I feel so violated," he absently rubbed his sore bottom.

He continued to peer at the passing faces, in search of a flaw in the henge. After breaking his left pinky toe, he'd realized that pain wouldn't be of any assistance to him. He hadn't even been able to grasp any chakra in his attempts to break free of the genjutsu. Whoever had created it was very strong.

"Ouch! WHAT THE HELL!" Itachi yelled at the last giggling girl who had pinched his butt.

A few passing teenagers stopped to look at him, but quickly brushed it off. Just another sexy new guy.

_Fine, I'll do it.  
_  
Kakashi had finally regained a bit of self-control, deciding it best to put some clothes on. He pulled on a pair of loose jeans, finding the material alien and uncomfortable.

Kakashi had taken retreat in some stranger's dormitory, going through their belongings while they were out. He'd managed to find pants, but there wasn't a single shirt in sight. What kind of person didn't own a spare shirt? The entire school was insane (Kakashi had figured that it was some type of boarding school). "Pah," he muttered, tossing aside the fiftieth pair of jeans from the bureau. It didn't matter. He would just have to go shirtless for the moment.

_What next? _the jounin wondered, feeling slightly uneasy with the prospect of leaving the room. So many random women..._**throwing**__ themselves at him..._

He sighed. Then again, it wasn't anything particularly new to him.

Shoving his hands into his jeans pockets, he exited the room and walked down the hall. A few doors down he heard loud music coming from a dorm. Curiously, Kakashi turned the knob, finding that the door was unlocked. It seemed to be a small social event, and hey, he was rather hungry...and could use a few drinks...

Inside the dormitory were a few dozen teenagers hopping up and down or dancing seductively. When Kakashi entered the room, the music abruptly stopped, and everyone turned to stare at the new guest. The girls drooled at the sight of his chest...as did a few boys. The rest simply rolled their eyes in annoyance or jealousy.

Ignoring everyone, Kakashi walked in, shoving past people in search of some alcohol.

All the while, he wondered, _Why am I a teenager? Maybe someone here can present some answers. _The music started up again as his presence was forgotten, and Kakashi found his way into a corner where his met eyes with a brown-haired girl. She looked to be sixteen or seventeen years of age, with brown hair and eyes. Upon seeing him, her lips parted in surprise.

Slowly, Kakashi smiled. Alas, a familiar face. He hadn't seen her in years.

_...but shouldn't she be a little...__**older**__, by now?_

"Isn't it past your bedtime?" he reached out and pinched one of her cheeks, wondering what on earth Rin was doing in such a place.

"Kakashi!" a pair of long arms wrapped around his neck. "I've missed you."

Glancing over Rin's shoulder, Kakashi noticed that the surrounding women had become clawed harpies, twitched and writhing. One released a high-pitched shriek. The jounin shuddered as he detached himself from Rin and snatched her forearm. "Let's get out of here," he muttered, complying to drag her in the direction of the door. He felt himself blush slightly beneath the mask.

Just before the pair could arrive at the door, a muscular arm reached out of the crowd and grabbed Kakashi's shoulder. He was spun around to face a teenager with _terrible _frown lines (they were simply _dreadful!_).

Kakashi tilted his head to the side. _Uchiha Fugaku?_

Sasuke's _teen-aged _father cracked his knuckles, looking furious. "Those are my pants!" he growled.

The music again stopped, and a unified, "ooooohhhhhh," echoed throughout the crowd.

For a fleeting instant, Kakashi considered pulling the pants off, but quickly decided against it. He wasn't in the mood to be attacked by hundreds of horny girls. "Perhaps I can return them tommor-?"

Fugaku's fist collided with Kakashi's beautiful, perfectly sculptured, nose. Rin winced, as other girls covered their eyes and turned away.

Kakashi grimaced, wiping a smear of blood away from his nose. "Shit, Fugaku! Why are you always such an asshole?" the remark seemed to catch the Uchiha off guard, as Kakashi cuffed him hard, in the gut. With a wheeze, the dreadful man collapsed to the ground.

The crowd parted as Kakashi stepped over Fugaku and headed out of the room. He could hear Rin following him, and oddly enough...his theme song was playing in the background.

For the first time that evening Kakashi came to realize that not only had the sharingan disappeared, but all of his chakra was gone. He was no longer a ninja, just...just some random teenager!

Kakashi watched the dormitory door slowly close behind them, just before his legs gave out, and his face collided with shining white marble. "Ouch."

Hidan sat on a bench outside of the cafeteria, his eyes slightly cross. No chakra... No giant-stick-with-nails-in-it... No immortality... He suddenly felt quite nervous. Too nervous to compulsively spew curses. Virgin sacrifices always made him feel better. He looked up, eyes darting in every direction.

_...What the fuck? _As if on cue, a busty blonde approached him. "Hey cutey," she leaned down to kiss him on the cheek. "Thanks for the help. I aced that test." And with that, the girl scurried off, just before Hidan had the chance to stab her with his no. 2 pencil.

"Hey Hidan," said a passing boy in a football uniform. He patted Hidan on the shoulder. "Thanks for the ointment. It really helped with my embarrassing itch," and with that the jock jogged off.

"Hidan!" it was another girl. She had the audacity to hug him. Hidan clamped his hands around her throat.

"Thanks – for the – tacos," the girl wheezed, reaching up and slowly managing to pry the man's hands off her neck. Hidan stared as she walked away, mortified that he'd just been over-powered by a teenage girl.

"Since when am I a loveable guy?" he screeched in outrage.

**Again, credit goes out to Bullwinkle's Lady for this drop dead funny story. On another note, some of you may have noticed it was categorised as Horror/Romance. That was my bad, yet ironically true from Kakashi's perspective. Anyway, it's fixed now.**


	3. Being a Teenager Sucks

Boarding School

Chapter 3: Being a Teenager Sucks

Kakashi slowly regained consciousness and opened his eyes. _It was just a dream... _he heaved a grateful sigh, just as a lock of brown hair brushed against his face. He blinked, and glanced at Rin. Sitting up in surprise, he threw the girl off him.

From the ground, Rin groaned and rubbed her bottom. "What's the big deal?" she mumbled sleepily.

They were back in the dorm that he had awoken in the previous night. Kakashi held the sheets up to his nose and glanced around in paranoia. "Why were you in my bed?"

Rin climbed to her feet and sat down beside him. "There was nowhere else to sleep," Kakashi watched her fingers graze his temple, before gracefully hooking beneath his mask. "Don't be so stingy," Rin pulled the fabric down and smiled at the familiar, handsome, face.

She was among the few people he trusted.

There was suddenly the sound of a groan from above them. Kakashi quickly jerked away from Rin and pulled his mask back up. His eyes widened in realization. _That's not-?_

The undead boy climbed down from the top bunk. He was a thin teenager with spiky black hair and onyx eyes. The Uchiha was wearing...goggles...for some reason (though they were no odder than Kakashi's mask). Without warning, Obito climbed into Kakashi's bed, and squeezed between his former teammates.

He yawned, "Hey guys. Long time no see." A pale arm hooked around each of their necks.

As Kakashi stiffened, Rin threw her arms around Obito's neck. "I thought you were dead!"

_Yes...he __**is, **_Kakashi thought. Logically, this Obito was a fake. It had to be a henge or a shadow clone. He had his dead friend's right eye to prove it!

...Then again, the sharingan was gone, and this Obito's eyes were intact. Moreover, he and Rin were _teenagers. _Nothing about their situation seemed logical at all.

"Yeah, I _was_ dead," mentioned the Uchiha. "And then I just sorta...woke up."

Kakashi closed his eyes and formed a hand seal. "Dispel," he muttered softly. He slowly opened his eyes to see "Obito" and Rin staring at him. It hadn't worked. Without warning, Kakashi complied to punch Obito, quite hard, in the face. Obito fell to the ground, unconscious, but the shadow clone strangely did not dissipate.

_Impossible..._thought Kakashi, as Rin kneeled down beside Obito and glared up at him. _The dead can't be revived..._

The three trailed out of the dorm and toward the smell of food, Kakashi still in a haze of confusion. Rin was glaring at him, while Obito cracked his knuckles in a menacing manner. Kakashi made that awkward little chuckle of his.

All three were strangely weak and malnourished looking – extremely thin, as though they hadn't worked out in months. Kakashi sadly poked his ribs, missing the thick layer of muscle that had once been there. Was this truly the teenage life?

_It SUCKED!_

Kakashi was wearing long white pants and a navy blue sports jacket that he'd found. Rin wore a small red top, pink short-shorts, and long black socks pulled up to her knees. Obito wore only an orange bathrobe, fluttering open now and then to reveal his testicles. The trio nervously entered the cafeteria.

They didn't notice as the room went silent.

They approached a small circular table in the center, slowly taking seats around it. Almost as soon as their bottoms hit the chairs, they were surrounded by other teenagers.

"Rin, I love your hair!" said a girl with glowing purple eyes.

"Um...thanks?" said Rin uneasily.

"Kakashi, your last game was great!" said a pudgy boy with a long white beard.

Kakashi frowned slightly. Why wouldn't these weirdoes leave him alone?

Back in Konoha, Naruto and Sasuke, both twelve, met up on the training grounds. "Have you seen Kakashi?" Sasuke questioned.

"No. He's been missing for two days. It's like he...disappeared off the face of the planet!" mentioned Naruto.

All was silent for a moment.

"You know what this means," muttered Sasuke.

"Yeah," said Naruto, chuckling lightly as he rubbed his hands together. "Par-_tay_."

"I'll get the booze."

A teenaged Kisame sat in the cafeteria at the head of a long rectangular table...all by himself.

"I can't take this any longer!" he muttered, on the verge of crying, when suddenly, a familiar person with long blonde hair walked up to him, wearing-

**Posted this one on time this time... barely. Credit to Bullwinkle's Lady for this rad piece of literary crack. If you want some more, she's your dealer... I recomend the one about Gaara and the chicken. It's funny, trust me.**


	4. Football Practice

Boarding School

Chapter 4: Football Practice

"I can't take this any longer!" Kisame muttered, on the verge of crying, when suddenly, a familiar person with long blonde hair walked up to him, wearing-

-a conservative black tuxedo.

"Hello," said Deidara, in his deep manly voice, for he wasn't a girl, never was, and never would be. The masculine blonde absently scratched his crotch.

Kisame stared in awe. "You're so _manly!_"

Kakashi stared down at the breakfast in disgust.

He and his friends had been given a few dozen mozzarella sticks, each of which owned a greenish tint. Their fries were as black as charcoal, and the pudding had clumps of monkey feces in it.

A purple-haired girl suddenly sat beside him, pushing the food trays off the table where they clattered onto the floor. Another girl sat beside _her,_ this one carrying a stack of lunch boxes.

Kakashi peered at them. _Anko and Shizune?_

Both girls were dressed in school uniforms, their skirts ultra-short, and blouses revealing excessive amounts of cleavage.

"I got pancakes for Obito, a bagel for Rin, and eggs for _you, _Kakashi," Shizune winked at him as a plate of bacon and eggs slid beneath his nose. It seemed as though this was a daily routine.

What were they supposed to be? _Servants?_ _Concubines? _Kakashi uncertainly took the fork offered to him.

Itachi, Hidan, Sasori, and Pain sat around a circular table in **complete and utter silence **as they were messily served mashed potatoes by some hideously scarred man who called himself Ibiki. He had the most – _terrifying eyes, _and walked with a limp courtesy of his peg leg.

The sexy boys of the Akatsuki bit their fingernails and shrunk in their seats as Ibiki's wild eyes passed over each of their faces.

_Who is he? _Itachi wondered in terror. _Why is he serving us mashed potatoes?_

Kakashi sat in confusion as Anko read off his schedule. Shizune, meanwhile, was giving Obito a foot massage.

"Who are those," Rin interrupted them, pointing at something in the distance.

The disorganized mass of students seemed to part as three people walked by. The three were obviously of importance, for girls were swooning and boys were drooling.

Shizune jumped into narration. "The blonde girl is Tsunade, the senior class president. The second is Jiraya, vice president. The one lagging behind is Orochimaru...the lowly senior class treasurer. It's said that he steals money from student accounts to buy purple eyeliner."

Kakashi stared as the three walked by, Tsunade seeming to glow with sparkles and sunshine. She left a trail of unconscious boys in her wake. _This is getting too weird._

"Hey Kakashi!"

Kakashi winced when a random jock suddenly punched him in the shoulder. He fell out of his chair with an, "oof," before slowly climbing back into his seat.

"The big game's coming up! We have practice in five!"

_Big game?_

"No thanks," he grumbled.

"Oh _Kakashiiii!"_

There were about a dozen busty cheerleaders crowded across the cafeteria, each beckoning him with their fingers to come join them. Kakashi stared determinedly into his eggs, muttering to himself while pretending not to notice them. "There is no way-" the jounin was interrupted when a random cheerleader jumped into his lap. The rest complied to hug him, grab him, _grind _him, and grope every one of his very most sensitive body parts. They then decided to drag him away, kicking and screaming.

It was time for football practice.

"UKE! UKE! UKE!"

"My name isn't Uke!" Sasuke growled, as a bunch of random teenagers poured alcohol down his throat.

Naruto was hanging out by the limbo. The two had successfully turned Kakashi's apartment into a jungle. The twelve-year-old still couldn't fathom where everyone had gotten the maracas and funky Mexican clothing. ...Wait a minute. Who are these people! ?

Are Naruto and Sasuke going to be kidnapped, _ravaged_ and/or eaten? Find out in the next exciting chapter!

**Credit to Bullwinkle's Lady, yada yada, you know the rest.**


	5. Obito is MEAN!

Boarding School

Chapter 5: Obito is MEAN!

"So...er...where are we going?" Rin asked Shizune as they walked through the halls, a few textbooks in hand.

"Rin, you're such a joker! We're meeting Kurenai," laughed Shizune.

"Um...yeah...right," said Rin, before mushroom sighing. _This world only gets more and more confusing. _She stopped walking when she heard a siren, causing Shizune to bump into her. "What's that?

Shizune blinked. "It sounds like...an ambulance. It's coming from the direction of the football field!"

The two girls quickly exited the school and headed to the football field where there indeed was an ambulance, a guilty looking football team, and five excitable paramedics. In the center of all the commotion was a kid on a stretcher.

Wait...it was Kakashi!

"Great game man!" said a jock, giving Kakashi a rather rough nudge on the shoulder and nearly causing the stretcher to collapse. The jounin cried out in pain, clutching his shoulder which was turning a nasty shade of purple.

The paramedics looked withdrawn and suspicious. One had an eye patch, and another, prison tattoos. They quickly tried to haul Kakashi into the ambulance with as little notice as possible.

"Wait!" cried Rin, as she and Shizune joined them. "What happened?" she asked worriedly. The medical nin attempted to heal her old teammate, only to find that her powers didn't work. Kakashi had cuts, bruises, burns, stab wounds, his legs were on backwards, and his right pinky was broken in twelve places. "Who did this to you?" Rin asked.

Kakashi released a brave little cough. "The coach tapes every football practice," and before he could say another word, a white sheet was pulled over his head and he was wheeled into the ambulance. The doors slammed shut in Rin's face.

Rin and Shizune stood in silence for a moment as they watched the van drive away.

"Hey," Shizune broke the quiet with a blush and a giggle. "Didn't Kakashi look cute!"

Everyone spoke of the mysterious crimson-eyed girl. She wore a white toga. Not only was it weird – it was hot!

She had been dubbed toga-girl, and _everybody wanted her._

When Asuma had finally come face to face with the legendary teenager, he'd been pleasantly surprised.

"Kurenai!"

"Asuma?"

The toga wasn't so much a toga than a well placed loin cloth. It wrapped tightly around her midsection and barely covered her breasts. It sheltered little of her thighs and was extremely short. It was like the worlds shortest, tiniest, lowest cut dress, or something derived from Betty Boop's closet, given a Wilma Flintstone touch.

_Oh my GOD! _Asuma thought, his body twitching in strange ways.

Kurenai seemed completely comfortable in the small piece of clothing and took little notice of the stares. "I'm glad to find someone I actually know. If this school is genjutsu, then it's the most powerful one I've ever encountered..."

"Just push the fricken button!"

"Shit _woman, _hold on a minute, _damn_, ok, it's playing."

Everyone fell silent as the television turned on.

-The football players were all lined up. One could easily see Hiashi, Zabuza, and Orochimaru on the team. Kakashi looked rather small compared to the rest.

-The game began.

-The ball fell into Kakashi's arms.

-In slow motion, all of the players, opponents and teammates, dove and piled up on top of Kakashi...

-The football team began to...tear him apart?

The tape stopped, and for a moment, everyone was left speechless.

"That was hot," mentioned Anko.

Rin, _Obito_, and Shizune privately agreed.

The group was gathered in Kakashi's dorm. No one knew quite what to say, for everyone was blankly staring at one another, occasionally mouthing words like, "hippopotamus."The door suddenly creaked opened, and a beat up looking Kakashi crawled in. The teen was messily wrapped from head to toe in white bandages.

"Kakashi!" Rin gasped, and Anko looked him over with hungry eyes. _He looks sexy in that mummy get-up..._

"They wouldn't give me a wheel chair," Kakashi moaned in pain. "Not even crutches! I had to crawl all the way home from the hospital. The nurses said that it gave them a better view of my...my...my tushy!" he cried. And with that Kakashi collapsed, hitting his head quite loudly on the marble floor.

"That is horrible!" declared Rin, pointing at Kakashi's twitching carcass, as the others shrugged it off.

Obito and Rin each grabbed one of Kakasi's arms and heaved him onto the bed.

Rin looked up. "You guys should all head out. I'll stay here."

"Why exactly do _you_ get to stay with Kakashi?" questioned Shizune.

"Look," explained Rin. "If I leave him all alone while he's in this condition, some crazy girl might sneak in here and try to rape him."

Obito sweat dropped.

"Then why can't I stay with him?" Anko snapped, motioning to Kakashi. They had propped the unconscious boy up on the beanbag in the corner and covered his eyes with a pair of black sunglasses. It made him look more life-like and friendly.

"I don't trust you!" Rin retorted.

Anko's face caught fire. How had Rin figured out her master plan? "How dare you! I don't think you can be trusted either!"

"Kakashi wouldn't mind if Rin raped him," Obito snickered under his breath, causing the girl in question to deeply blush.

"Let's all just stop arguing!" said Shizune. "Obito can keep an eye on Kakashi."

The girls fell silent.

Grinning, the Uchiha picked up one of Kakashi's limp hands and flopped it up and down in a waving motion, as one might do with a baby. "Bye bye," he said.

Anko eyed him. She reluctantly left the dorm with the other girls.

**Credit to Bullwinkle's Lady for this story as before. It has also been brought to my attention taht the page breaks are missing... too lazy to fix it now, but I will get on it shortly. I hope.**


	6. Gai is MEAN!

Boarding School

Chapter 6:Gai is MEAN!

It was a few hours later that Kakashi regained consciousness. He blinked as he took off the shades.

Obito looked up from his porn mag. "You're up. Great!"

Kakashi attempted to stand, but toppled over. "I can't move!" he yelled.

"Er..." Obito scratched his head.

"Everything hurts," said Kakashi. "Even my _teeth_."

Obito shrugged.

"I feel like I'm about to die."

In the end Obito was forced to tie up and gag Kakashi before rolling him underneath his own bed. He just couldn't stand the _complaining!_

"Heh...heh," Obito chuckled as he left. "No one will ever find out."

Kakashi stared blankly at the bottom of his bed. A small spider began to crawl into his nose. _It's like everyone in this world is out to get me, _he thought, struggling to get out of his binds. "Mmmmrrrrpphhh!" he screamed in exasperation.

"According to this schedule..." Kurenai mused, as she walked through the hall. "I stay in dormitory six-hundred and sixty-six..." She watched the numbers on each of the dorms until she finally reached number 666. Digging a key out of her pocket, she opened the door, and blinked.

Teenage versions of Rin, Anko, and Shizune stared at her. It looked as though they'd been doing each other's make-up and stuffing their bras with tissue.

"Kurenai!"

Tissues fluttered everywhere. She was suddenly being held in a group hug.

"Ah...hi," she said, twitching. "You all seem...comfortable."

Rin grinned. "Don't think too much about our predicament. It'll only make you dizzy."

Kurenai raised an eyebrow as the other girl walked back to her bunk. "Aren't you planning to get out of here?"

Rin laid back. "All I've noticed so far is that this doesn't seem to be genjutsu. It's like we've stepped into some sort of alternate universe. Some of us don't belong here...and others – _do," _she motioned to Anko and Shizune, both who had tilted their heads to the side.

"What are you talking about?" growled Anko.

"We've all been going to this school since we were twelve," piped in Shizune.

Rin ignored them. "See what I mean?"

Kurenai closed the door and sat next to Rin. "How did you know that I wasn't one of them?" she asked curiously.

"Because only the Kurenai I know," Rin chuckled. "Would walk around in a toga."

Gai entered the dormitory specified on his schedule. He was immediately greeted with sharp clinking noises. After a moment, Gai recognized it as morse code – and it was coming from beneath one of the beds.

The teenaged Gai leaned down and peered under the bed, only to spot a tied up and gagged teenage version of Kakashi. The gray-haired boy was relentlessly banging his head against the metal supports, causing far more brain damage than was truly necessary.

Upon noticing Gai, Kakashi stopped, and released a muffled shriek of happiness. Alas, an ally amidst a school of savages!

Gai too rejoiced. "My eternal rival! ...What are you doing down there?"

"Mrrrpph."

Gai frowned. "Are you really planning to sleep there _all night long?_"

"Mrrrpph."

"But it might be uncomfortable!" cried Gai, worriedly.

"MRRRPPH!"

"Fine! Suit yourself," snapped Gai. With that, he plopped on top of Kakashi's bed, the jounin beneath responding with only an, "Oof!" and a crunching noise. Gai pulled the blanket up to his nose and immediately fell to sleep.

**Credit to Bullwinkle's Lady for showing us Gai's true colors... Green Evil... Anyway, next chapter is short, but it was the pitch that won me this story. Be prepared to meet Kakuzu!**


	7. I'll Buy That

Boarding School

Chapter 7: I'll Buy That

While Gai slumbered loudly, tossing and turning in his sleep as images of sprinting across lollipop land danced in his head, Kakashi cried to himself slowly being smothered into unconsciousness. He only hoped that when he woke up things would be back to normal.

--

Kakuzu's relentless search was driving him batshit. When he woke up he was all but stark naked, and had yet to find a shred of REAL clothing anywhere. However he settled on something anyway, a frayed white shirt with the sleeves ripped off, and a pair of blue jeans that were missing the knees and were likewise frayed at the bottom.

The bigger issue, besides the obvious disrepair of his attire, and besides the rank spell of the room, was the distinct lack of MONEY. Not a penny anywhere, not a shred of money hidden in the pockets of the pants strewn about the room, not a dime in the coin purse beside the bed (it was oddly filled with chicken bones and faded fortune cookie papers), and not a single dollar stuffed in the wallet stashed under his pillow (also filled with oddities, moldy meatloaf and tomato sauce).

Ignore the fact that his chakra was completely gone, in fact it didn't even register in his mind beneath the glaringly potent "I'M BROKE" tearing his consciousness apart.

Next door Asuma shivered.

--

When Kakashi woke up Rin was leaning over him, three seconds away from dumping a bucket of ice water on his face. She finished the task before she realized he was awake and smiled. "Thank goodness you're awake Kakashi! I was worried!"

For some reason Kakashi could do nothing but glare at her.

Then he saw who else was in the room. Obito picking his ear absentmindedly, unconcerned with Kakashi's condition. Shizune and Anko staring at him, having returned for little more than to ogle a wet Kakashi, and maybe change his now wet bandages. Yum. Then there was Asuma, looking paranoid, like he'd seen a ghost or a horrific phantom of his future demise.

Or maybe he was always like that. Kakashi was dizzy at the moment from the unknown amount of time spent suffocating under Gai and the bed. Then he worried about the missing element.

"Where's Gai?"

Everybody shrugged.

--

In the cafeteria, Kisame stared at a fresh plate of slop. He turned left and saw Deidara in his manly glory glowering at a similar plate of slop. Then to his right. There stood-

**Should it be:**

**A. Gai**

**B. Kurenai**

**C. Nobody important**


	8. Specifically I Don't Remember

Boarding School

Chapter 8: Specifically… I Don't Rememer

The door was locked, with seven locks, from the inside. Not that anybody wanted to go in anyway. For the first twenty four hours Zetsu had sat motionless in his room, trying to meld with the walls and vanish unseen anywhere he wanted. That failed horribly and so he sat on the bed wondering what he was going to do for the rest of his life. He most certainly wasn't going _out there_ without chakra.

People would stare at him.

He hated being stared at.

So he sat in the fetal position on the bed, sucking his thumb like the lost child he was before he had chakra and muttering to himself, who muttered back sarcastically some quip about his mother, making him even more depressed. What do you do when you're verbally abusing yourself?

For some reason he answered the question by getting up and looking under the bed. There he found a bag full of little white rolls of paper and a cigarette lighter. He somehow knew they were the answer to his ails.

--

Kisame pointed and his mouth hung open. "You!" He yelled in a seething accusation.

Beside him, Deidara raised his visible manly eyebrow. "Him?"

On the other side, stood Gai staring eagerly at his "Youthful breakfast of sloppy goodness!" The green clad devil looked up with those eyebrows of doom narrowing at Kisame. "Me… wait… I know you from somewhere…"

"Yeah! You'd better remember me!" Kisame yelled.

"You're that guy I met in that sushi bar right?" Gai asked with a cheery smile. "I never forget a face!"

Kisame growled. "I'm Hoshigaki Kisame! You kicked me remember?!"

Gai raised an eyebrow and proceeded down the lunch line, Kisame following with an amused and manly Deidara shortly after. "Sorry, I'm a taijutsu specialist… I kick a lot of people… you'll have to be more specific." He narrowed his eyes at the blue skinned nerd. "Hm… Kazuma was it?"

"Kisame! Uchiha Itachi's partner! Aka-fucking-tsuki!" Kisame yelled back, his face turning red he began panting, gasping ragged breaths that almost seemed to whistle.

"Hm… more specific than that…" Gai pleaded. "I'm sure it'll come to me eventually! Another hint!"

Kisame had a sudden (or not so sudden considering his emotional state and severity of his condition) asthma attack and fell over in a dead faint.

Gai stared at him and laughed. "What a time to fall asleep Kazuma!"

Deidara rolled his eyes and kicked Kisame in the head, curing his inflamed bronchial tubes with his manliness alone, waking him instantly… or that's what would have happened if it was physically possible. Instead he gave Kisame a nasty bump for later and left him for dead in the lunch line. Deidara was not going to miss trading his eggs to that poor sap in the back corner of the cafeteria for his Egg McMuffin.

--

While Kakashi continued his recovery, with neither Obito, nor Gai watching over him (they roped Asuma into doing it this time) Anko and Shizune had to find some new eye candy to occupy themselves with. Thus the morning exercises of the track team, and of course the star runner wearing the sleeveless jersey bearing the number four. The blonde was stretching and seemed to be blatantly ignoring whatever wolf whistles aimed his way.

Then he turned to face them and winked.

Rin stood beside her two comrades with her jaw hanging open.

It was her sensei.

He was a teenager.

He was hot.

The chase was on. The fastest boy in school ran with just feet separating him from certain gang rape doom. Yet it was this morning ritual that kept him in top running shape to begin with. He just hoped they tired out before breakfast was over. He was hungry… and Kushina had pancakes.

--

Asuma sat by Kakashi's bed, the silver haired jounin asleep peacefully for once. He sighed and began searching his pockets for a cig, but couldn't find one. So instead he whipped out a pen and began scribbling on a piece of paper. If Kakashi was also from Konoha, he would be able to effortlessly decode this message. If not he would wonder who wasted paper with scribbles about Mexican ponchos and duck butted ukes.

--

Back in Konoha Sasuke sneezed. Which was awkward considering he was naked, tied up, and hanging upside down from the ceiling beside Naruto, who was equally naked and tied up. He then decided to ask. "What the fuck happened?"

Naruto shrugged. "I dunno."

The army of homosexual Mexican rapists circled them with hungry predator-like eyes. Each of them had roughly two days worth of stubble and they were wearing matching ponchos and sombreros. One was drooling while ogling Sasuke in particular; he licked his lips hungrily while the one next to him giggled like a little girl.

Then they all fell over. Or less fell over and more were clubbed over the head by a very fast and very distraught Hinata.

"What the fuck just happened?" Sasuke asked again.

Naruto shrugged. "I dunno, I'll ask! Hey thanks Hinata-chan! How'd you find us anyway?! How'd you know we were in trouble?! Where'd you get that club?"

She turned beat red.

"She was stalking you, you idiot. That much was obvious…"

Naruto nodded. "Uh huh…" He then did a double take. "Wait… that makes no sense! Ah! Who cares! Hey Hinata-chan! Can you cut us down?!"

She shook her head in the negative.

"Huh?" Naruto frowned.

Sasuke shivered. "I think we're still going to get raped."

Hinata nodded.

This time Naruto said it. "Wait… what the fuck is happening?!"

**I need for Kakashi to recover a bit before torturing him more. Plus, there is a minor plot involving Super Torture that requires me to establish the Akatsuki Yakuza Division.**


	9. Hunting, Clean Up, and Pancakes

Boarding School

Chapter 9: Hunting, Clean Up, and Pancakes

People stared at the smelly grungy hobo that crawled along the floor with a stolen magnifying glass from the science room. Itachi was one of the people staring and for good reason. The smelly grungy hobo was Kakuzu, and he was muttering to himself about how somebody had to have dropped some loose change on the floor of the school somewhere.

Needless to say, Itachi followed him, more out of curiosity than worry, but also with the intent of throwing the man… teen into the school's industrial washer to eliminate the miasma before it spread across the school, or worse into the Uchiha prodigy's hair.

As he trailed the teen he was quickly joined by a blue haired girl, at first he paid her no mind, but after a couple of glances it registered in his mind that it was Konan that had joined him. He was quite surprised of course, seeing as she was staring at him rather than the proverbial brown cloud scouring the hall for loose change. "Konan." He greeted awkwardly.

"Itachi." She greeted in return. "Where are we?" She asked.

"I believe we are in some kind of boarding school." He replied, still stalking the stink like a poacher would stalk a lion, even going so far as to whisper when he spoke.

"What are you doing?"

Itachi took a moment to evaluate his posture, his position, and his noise level. "Sneaking is hard without chakra." He muttered offhandedly.

"Why are you sneaking?" Konan asked with a raised eyebrow.

"You never talk this much in group meetings. Why are you talking?" Itachi asked, mildly irritated by Konan's insistent curiosity.

She opened her mouth and stopped herself. "I don't know…"

Itachi sighed. "Perhaps the same reason Kakuzu is in the epicenter of a cloud of filth. Pain has theorized that we are in another world, and has mentioned that we might inhabit the bodies of our alternate selves at the same time as our alternate selves. In essence, we are merely the dominant soul in a body of two. Regardless, their willpower manifests itself in subtle behavioral patterns that jump out at us. I've somehow been able to effortlessly know where I'm going when I must be going there without prior knowledge of such." He sneered at Kakuzu's smog.  
"I see… so the other me is a talker then…" Konan mumbled. "I guess we can assume the other Kakuzu was… deathly afraid of soap."

Itachi nodded. "I intend to capture him and throw him in the school's industrial washer… do you wish to aid me?"

Konan nodded eagerly. "Quite so."

"Very good. He takes his time. Go find some rope and I'll keep an eye on him." Itachi replied.

She nodded before heading off to get some rope.

--

Pain had snuck into the school archives to locate his missing comrades, more specifically to locate his missing leader and accomplices. A quick skim through the files he was able to find Zetsu's room number, as well as Konan's, but Madara was not present now but records labeled him as having graduated from this school some twenty years ago. He had a phone number on file he could try… not that Pain instinctively knew what a phone was or anything… ok so maybe he was fiddling with the cell phone he found in his pocket. That thing has a ringtone library like you wouldn't believe.

Anyway, the other members were inconsequential, and would turn up eventually. Right now he needed Zetsu and Konan. He tried Konan's room first, but she wasn't in, so he moved on to try and find Zetsu. He stood outside the door and stared at the smoke rising from under the door.

He knocked. "Zetsu?"

There was some shuffling on the other side before the door opened, letting out a wave of poisonous gas, Pain covered his mouth with his shirt. He immediately identified the substance as a depressant. "Zetsu?"

"Hm… oh hey man, this shit is seriously awesome." Zetsu mumbled before taking another drag from his stick of pot. This was noticeably White-Zetsu

"Yeah seriously, this shit is golden grass." Zetsu's other voice intoned, hereby known as Black-Zetsu.

Pain slapped his forehead. "You're high."

Zetsu took another drag. "Totally." White-Zetsu replied.

"Seriously." Black-Zetsu added.

For some reason, Pain found his other hand had already extracted his cell phone and snapped a picture with the little camera on the front. He wondered what to do with it, but just sort of let his instincts take over, and explored his options. Pix messaging seemed like the right way to go, so he sent it to 'Big D' whoever the hell that was. "We need to get you… cleaned up." He grabbed Zetsu and began dragging him to the boy's showers, for all the good it would do.

--

Deidara reached in his pocket when the Darth Vader theme began ringing out from his coat. He pulled out his manly cell phone and discovered a pix message of a very high Zetsu. He raised an eyebrow at it, and checked who it was from. "Leader…" Then it clicked. "Oh shit. He's here too…" He probably wanted him to do something about Zetsu. He looked between the photo, and his half eaten Egg McMuffin, then back again. Then he shrugged and went back to eating.

What's the worst he could do to him? No chakra. Seriously.

--

Kisame woke up with his head buried between a pair of enormous breasts. For a moment this decidedly good thing made him worry because this was obviously heaven which meant that he was obviously dead. This was obviously a bad thing, or he was obviously wrong.

It was all rather obvious really.

"Thank goodness you're okay Kisame-chan! I was worried I'd never get a passing grade on that marine biology report!" Kisame turned pale, more so than his typical blue. He was held against the breasts of the legendary Sannin Tsunade, the fifth Hokage.

_Shit!_

"Don't forget Kisame-chan, you help me with that paper, and you get more of this. I fail, and you'll be eating through a tube for the rest of your life." She stated with a smile before pushing him back on the bed in the nurses office. "See ya!"

Kisame laid there for a moment. Then everything clicked. "I'm so boned."

--

A certain redhead sat in the cafeteria eating pancakes with a smile on her face, every five minutes or so she's hold out a forkful that would disappear in a yellow flash followed by a stampede of rabid fan-girls.

All in all they paid her little mind, even though that was her boyfriend they were chasing.

She cared not, for she knew the truth. They would never catch him, and the moment she ran out of pancakes, was the moment she would have nothing more important to do than beat the living daylights out of all of them for bothering her Minato-kun.

Pancakes were always the priority… after ramen of course. Kushina loved ramen.

* * *

At first I was unsatisfied with this chapter, it simply wasn't funny enough in my oppinion (or more accurately not Crackish enough to fit in with its eight elder brothers). That said, my computer broke, and after a long while I came back, reread what I wrote, found myself laughing, and decided "better than nothing". So here you are.

So as tradition dictates:

Meanwhile Kurenai has been...

a) Raiding Asuma's underwear drawer.

b) Stalking Obito.

or c) Getting breakfast like a normal person.


	10. Hidan is Awesome

Boarding School

Chapter 10: Hidan is Awesome

Kurenai slowly slipped out of Asuma's room, her face was beat red, but she did not leave empty handed. No, despite finding those… things… she still managed to grab a pair of his airplane printed boxers and stuff it in the folds of her toga. She had two options really… confront him about… that… or ignore it and hope she eventually received a concussion that made her forget it entirely. The second was less incriminating, but… could she even live that long! Knowledge drives people insane, and women, teenage girls in particular, could not hold it to themselves for extended periods of time!

She probably had… three hours to knock it out of her head before somebody was spreading some kind of vile rumor about Asuma's innocence. "I won't let anybody know that Asuma has gay transvestite porn hidden in his underwear drawer!"

Naturally everybody in the hall looked at her. She realized she had spoken out loud, chuckled awkwardly and began skulking away to die in a ditch somewhere.

--

Kakashi stared at the bottom of the top bunk. It was nearly noon… Asuma had fallen asleep on the floor beside the bed, curled into some fetal position sucking his thumb. He pondered his pain, his suffering, and the meaning of life, briefly, before his door was kicked open by a silvery haired teenager. He stormed in and picked up Asuma off the floor by his shirt. "Wake up shit head!" Asuma opened his eyes and shivered. "Tell me, am I a good, nice, loveable, guy?! Huh?! You'd better give me the right answer or I swear I'll beat your head in!"

Asuma was crying. "Uh… y-yes?"

Asuma didn't so much have his head beat in as he was violently flung out the closed window as Hidan released an enraged scream. "Why the hell does everybody like me?!"

Kakashi kept staring, then he said, probably unwisely. "I don't like you."

Hidan flipped him off. "Yeah, well fuck you. I'm awesome!" He kicked Kakashi in the head before stalking out the broken door to raid the next room to get more opinions about himself.

Kakashi cried himself to sleep.

--

Kakuzu was tied up on the floor in front of Itachi and Konan. "Are you going to carry him to the wash room?" Konan asked.

"I'm not touching that." Itachi stepped away from Kakuzu some more.

"What the hell are you two doing?" Kakuzu asked.

Itachi thought about how to answer that question.

Konan spoke swiftly. "You smell like a hundred corpses after a week buried in compost. We want you to clean up."

Kakuzu absorbed this carefully, weighing the cost and benefit of such an action. "Will you pay me?"

Itachi replied immediately. "Yes."

"Deal." Kakuzu waited as Konan tried to untie his ropes.

"Ah… I forgot how to undo these…" She glanced at Itachi.

"Don't look at me, I'm used to having a hundred shuriken on hand." He replied.

Kakuzu rolled his eyes. "This is ridiculous! You're both S-Class missing nin and you don't know how to undo a fucking knot?!"

"In my defense it's a very good knot." Konan replied with a pout.

"Do you know how to untie a knot?" Itachi asked.

Kakuzu looked proud of himself. "Why yes, yes I do."

"Then untie yourself." Konan stood and walked away from him and just watched him struggle to untie himself with a civilian's level of flexibility. Plus Konan did not lie when she said it was a very good knot. "Fuck…"

--

Public showers. Pain did not like them. They were dirty smelly, and probably only used when people were high or too filthy to have any other choice. Co-ed public showers were another story altogether, but he had yet to find one in this accursed school. So he just threw Zetsu in under the water with his clothes on and stepped outside to check his phone, as if expecting a call from somebody. Nothing came.

"Hm…"

* * *

I've been hit with writer's block on this, so I ended it really short this time. I hope nobody minds...

On a related note: Where's the Anko and Shizune from Konoha?

A. Hiding from a sudden influx of mexican immigrants... gay rapist mexican immigrants.

B. Planning to rescue Naruto and Sasuke from Hinata.

C. Having a slumber party all by themselves... yeah a slumber party... -wink-


	11. Interlude of Sorts

Boarding School

Chapter 11: Interlude of Sorts

Meanwhile in the Village Hidden in the Leaves (aka Konoha, aka Konohagakure no Sato, aka the Leaf Village, aka future crater) Naruto crawled along the dusty streets garbed only in a torn poncho he had tied around his waist. He had never felt so violated in his entire life. No thanks to Sasuke, who had apparently been capable of escaping and saving himself _the entire time_. The fuck was he waiting for?! An invitation?!

Naruto had only managed to escape after Hinata was done with him. Apparently Hinata had a thing for him for a long time… a very long time. Also, she was kinky as hell because she completely ignored Sasuke after the Uchiha made no attempt to resist her. At some point that was when Sasuke disappeared, freed himself rather, when she wasn't looking.

The miserable bastard didn't even come back to save him!

"What are you doing?"

Naruto halted his crawling and looked up to see Shino standing above him, and if the boy had a facial expression Naruto couldn't tell. "Running… on my elbows… naked." Naruto replied.

Shino's posture changed none as he responded. "You should stop spending so much time with Lee if you're picking up _that_ habit."

There was a long awkward pause.

"Have you seen Kiba, Hinata, or Kurenai-sensei? My team appears to be missing." Shino asked with enough indifference to balance out his insane amount of bluntness.

Naruto only shivered at the mention of Hinata. "Hinata… the whip… back leather…"

Shino just stared at him for a moment. "Ah. Thank you. That explains everything." And with that the bug boy wandered off as if everything was perfectly normal and the Hokage's tower hadn't suddenly burst into flame because of something that may or may not have been Goukakyu no Jutsu related.

--

Sasuke dove out of the window of the burning Hokage's building and tumbled on the ground before diving yet again into the bushes. He wore a pair of camouflage pants and a black muscle shirt, and there were two stripes of mud smeared under his eyes. Shortly after catching his breath he dove from the bush, barely avoiding as a small child crashed into the bush he previously occupied with explosive force.

Damn that Chibidan no Jutsu!

"You'll never take me alive!" Sasuke yelled as he whipped out a kunai with an explosive tag on it and threw it wildly as he ran for his life.

Most would wonder, what the fuck is going on? Well the answer is quite simple. There was an army of hive minded academy students chasing after him like mindless drones. Why? How the hell was he supposed to know that?! Seriosuly, he just raided the Hokage tower looking for some answers and all he got was a hypnotized Konohamaru trying to tackle him and some other moron being shot after him like a damn missile.

Sasuke leapt to a treetop and then through a window, and then landed rather ungracefully on a bed. It… actually wasn't that comfortable. Also… now that he thought about it, he was fairly sure that was because he had landed on someone who was in the bed already, and judging by what he could see, that person had boobs. Huh… odd…

"What the _fuck_ do you think you're doing?" Sasuke lifted his head slowly as he recognized the voice.

He was conflicted. He should probably scream like a little girl… then again he might want to dance with joy. Mitarashi Anko's mesh clad bosom had saved his face from being marred, and was also attached to Mitarashi Anko, an _adult_. Maybe the only adult left in the entire damn village.

His expressionless façade persisted only because of this internal conflict and lasted long enough for somebody else to grab the Uchiha by his black muscle shirt and throw him off the bed. Sasuke sat on the floor and took it all in. Shizune was there as well. Again, to dance with joy, or wet himself in terror?

Anko glared at him, and Sasuke could have sworn he saw his life flash before his eyes. "Explain. _Now_." Anko ordered. "Or I'll start removing limbs, starting with the one you'll _really_ miss."

--

Meanwhile in the Legion of Doom… I mean… Otogakure, there was a similar state of chaos from the disappearance of their leader. It wasn't quite so strange, nor quite so unexpected given the fact that half the village has been looking to off the Sannin at the first possible opportunity.

The loyalists were amusingly thrown into a jail cell and the prisoners freed themselves with the aid of their cursed marks and the stupidity of Orochimaru's lesser minions. The sound four were amusingly locked in a room with Juugo and Karin, the five relatively normal teenagers huddled in a corner in terror as they waited for the good natured boy to just _snap_ and kill them all.

While they waited, Juugo knitted a sweater and sang Disney songs. Occasionally he'd ask Tayuya to play a bit on her flute and she'd oblige (lord know she didn't want him to kill her), but generally speaking he left them alone to their cowering some five feet away.

Karin's only regret was that she'd die a virgin.

* * *

If anybody wonder's why the Sound 5 are alive, it's because the story takes place before the Sasuke retrieval mission. It's the only time where a living Asuma and Sasuke existed in the same village peacefully after the chuunin exams.

Otherwise... um... yeah that's all for now.


End file.
